


Just Say It

by engine



Category: Katekyou Hitman Reborn!
Genre: Breaking Up & Making Up, Future Fic, M/M, kind of
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-08
Updated: 2008-12-08
Packaged: 2019-09-28 20:38:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,102
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17190002
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/engine/pseuds/engine
Summary: Five years in, they're still figuring things out.





	Just Say It

**Author's Note:**

> originally posted on LJ.

Above, the sun beat down upon the ground; mid-spring and already the beginnings of a muggy Japan summer. Buds stretched wantonly to the sky, as a lover reaching for his partner, straining for life, and wishing for the day they'd become a flower. Below the trees, on an old wooden bench, they sat, silently, a bit closer than acquaintances or friends, but not close enough to admit openly of their relationship. Shadows of leaves danced upon them, moving at every slight breeze.

All in all, the setting was much happier than the conversation being held between the two men.

"It's been five years, you know." Hibari blinked and looked over at the man sitting next to him. Running a hand through white hair, the man frowned slightly, not looking at him but instead staring at the hydrangea in front of them. "And do you know how many times I've told you I loved you?"

"Countless," he said softly, and Ryohei sighed.

"And do you know how many times you've said it back?"

Inwardly, Hibari winced. He made no motion on the outside; not even a slight twitch of the finger. But for his calm exterior, Hibari was not quite as calm inside. He had silently dreaded the conversation. For the past few years, even since Ryohei actually came out and said what both were thinking, Hibari had waited and waited until his partner was tired of waiting himself.

Tired of _him_.

"I haven't."

Standing, Ryohei shook his head. "No, you haven't. And look, I'm not accusing you of leading me on or anything, but it'd be nice to know I'm not the only one enjoying our relationship."

Hibari nearly winced outwardly at the way Ryohei said that; removed, detached. Like he wasn't standing there, right in front of him, white hair moving ever so slightly in the wind, hands in his pockets, waiting for Hibari's reply.

"You're not."

"I know," Ryohei said quickly, turning so his back was facing Hibari. "But it feels that way sometimes. Kyouya, you gotta understand."

"I do."

"And you gotta know me well enough by now that sometimes actions don't speak louder than words."

"I do."

"Then please," Ryohei turned around suddenly, dropping down to his knees in front of Hibari, "please tell me I'm _not_ the only one who's in love."

Hibari furrowed his eyebrows. Ryohei's face was not drawn with sadness, or open with hope, or anything. His face was set; he was ready for anything Hibari said. Determined.

"I--" Hibari stopped, shaking his head the slightest bit. "It's not that easy."

Ryohei's face faltered briefly--just enough for Hibari to catch the pain and disappointment--before the determined expression returned. "Like hell, Kyouya." He stood up, brushing the dirt off the knees of his slacks. Both men were wearing standard issue suits, slightly tailored and embroidered to suit their tastes (Ryohei's was navy blue, nearly black, and very simple, while Hibari's was a rich burgundy, with detailed embroidery on a miniscule scale near the buttons, pockets, and on the lapels), but Hibari had to admit that Ryohei looked much more comfortable in a suit.

"Do you even hear yourself? Fuck, if it was easy then it wouldn't have taken me _two years_ to say _three words_ without fearing I'd lose you, let alone lose my _life_!" He turned away from Hibari again, taking a few steps away. "Yeah it's not easy but it's not as hard as you think it is either!"

"You have no right to tell me what I do and don't feel, Ryohei." Hibari's voice was soft, angry, but quivering slightly; he hoped Ryohei didn't notice.

"Don't I? We've lived together for god knows how long. Six years, counting time at the base? And you're saying I don't know you, I can't tell you things that I know and you haven't even managed to figure out yet?" He let out a sharp, bitter laugh. "Obviously this--" he gestured between the two of them after turning back around, "--doesn't mean as much to you as it does to me, then."

Hibari scowled. "This? _This_? I don't even know what _this_ is! What have we done these past five years? Have sex?" He stood up too, and his hands involuntarily squeezed into fists. He suddenly wished he had brought his tonfa. They had only stepped out to the gardens briefly, and look what had happened. "I don't know if you realize this, Ryohei, but whatever _this_ is, it's obviously not something that matters much if you question it this easily. If _I_ question it this easily."

Ryohei stood stock still, and Hibari realized his words were like dumping a bucket of freezing water over him and then proceeding to slap him in the cheek. Something clenched tightly in his chest but Hibari ignored it; he figured it was just him feeling bad about having to tell the truth.

Or something.

"If that is how you feel--" a pause, "-- _Hibari_ , then I won't stand in your way."

And as he walked away, Hibari couldn't help but grab tightly at his own chest. 

The next day, Ryohei was gone.

A mission, Tsuna said. He requested a long one. A hard one. Hibari had nodded curtly and proceeded to go destroy another training facility. He hadn't waited for Ryohei to return; part of him wished he would and part of him said it was better if he didn't and part of him knew that even if Ryohei _did_ return it was highly unlikely he'd want anything to do with him _that way_ anyway. Back to business. Back to mafia. Back to being nothing more than coworkers. Guardians.

A few days turned into a few weeks. A few weeks soon became a few months. Hibari couldn't lie to himself or anyone else: he was worried. Gokudera had given him a few odd looks before scampering off to find Yamamoto or Tsuna when Hibari glared at him; Yamamoto had offered to spar, but Hibari had quickly and curtly declined, Yamamoto shrugged, and he hadn't asked again; Mukuro wasn't around, and Hibari was glad for that; Chrome was sweet enough, but they had never been close; Lambo stuck with I-pin or Reborn, which was for the best, Hibari figured.

Tsuna had cornered him, finally, when he was meditating in the building he had built attached to the base.

"Hibari," he said, sharp, tough, nothing like the shrimpy kid he used to be, although he still wasn't quite like his father. "You've been neglecting work."

Hibari didn't say anything. He kept his eye closed and his legs folded in seiza. Tsuna sighed, and sat down similarly in front of him.

"Hibari. Kyouya. _Listen._ "

Normally he wouldn't have listened, but considering it was his boss... Hibari opened his eyes and looked blandly at Tsuna, who was frowning.

"I'm worried about you. Everyone's noticed it too; you're not quite yourself. I figured it's because you're not training as much but you did perfectly last week against those renegades." Tsuna paused, as though he was waiting for Hibari to say something.

He didn't.

"So it's got to be something else. And since I know you're not going to talk about it with anyone, I've decided to simply give you another mission."

Hibari continued looking at Tsuna, expression blank, but nodded, a small, slow nod to let Tsuna know he was paying attention. After a moment, Tsuna continued.

"I want you to just take a _break_. You work too much. You're straining yourself. For the first time in however many years we've known each other, you have dark circles under your eyes. Take the next week off. That's an order."

Pulling a face, Hibari opened his mouth to retort, but Tsuna held up a hand. And even if the kid (who wasn't really a kid anymore) was younger and smaller, he was the boss; he was strong, and Hibari knew he had to listen.

"If you insist, Tsuna."

Tsuna nodded, "I do. Starting now, you will be on vacation for one week. Do what you need to do. If I don't think you're ready to work again, you'll take off another week. Is that clear?"

"It is, Tsuna." Resisting rolling his eyes, he motioned for the door. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm trying to do my meditation for the day. And when I finish I will... relax."

Flashing a quick, relieved smile, Tsuna hurried out the room. Hibari watched the door close, and marveled at how little Tsuna had changed since junior high.

The day passed; that night, Hibari went to bed early, read a novel, and slept. It was his first full night of sleep in a very long time. He woke up late, dressed in a yukata for comfort, and read more of his book. The next few days continued like this; until Gokudera and Yamamoto showed up at his room.

"Yo, Hibari," Gokudera drawled, scowling at nothing in particular. He leaned against the doorframe, arms crossed, and Yamamoto was similarly leaning against the door, his arm against the frame above Gokudera's head, leaning forward slightly, his usual goofy smile in place.

"If you're just going to stand there, I'll be leaving so I won't be bothered by your stupidity." Hibari stood from the couch he was seated on, and Yamamoto laughed. Gokudera scowled more, but that was as familiar a response as Yamamoto's laughter.

" _No_ , we're _not_. I don't even know why this guy is _here_ ," Gokudera said, jerking a thumb at Yamamoto, he simply smiled (a secret smile, different than normal, Hibari noted) down at Gokudera. "I just wanted to let you know that Ryohei's getting back soon. Figured you'd be interested."

"You'll have your sparring partner back!" Yamamoto added, placing emphasis on sparring that was not equivalent to italics. Hibari narrowed his eyes at the taller man, but Yamamoto only smiled more.

"Mm," Hibari said, before yawning widely. "How interesting. Now if you wouldn't mind, I'm a bit busy enjoying my time without all of _you_ around."

Gokudera scowled more, if that was possible, before Yamamoto pressed a finger in between his eyebrows, straightening the furrowing, before dragging Gokudera away. Hibari was silently thankful for that; he knew if Yamamoto hadn't stepped in, Gokudera would probably have said more, and this would not have ended well. With a quick, slightly annoyed sigh, he turned back to his book.

But found he couldn't concentrate.

Ryohei was getting back. He was coming home. Not that it matter or anything. They weren't together; there wasn't anything to be excited about. If anything, it meant having to face what had occurred however long ago (four months, two days, and fourteen hours, but who was counting?) and it would probably be awkward and make Hibari want to hurt something. So really, there was nothing to be excited about.

The feeling of his chest swelling seemed to say otherwise.

Hibari frowned; considering how long they had been... _involved_ he supposed it wasn't all that odd for him to still care. However, he had long since accepted the state of things. His relationship with _Sasagawa_ was a non issue.

...right?

Shaking his head, both to deny what his paranoia was implying and to clear his head of other thoughts, he resumed his reading, and subsequently proceeded to rip multiple pages due to the vigor with which he turned them.

Sasagawa Ryohei returned from overseas the next day.

It was abrupt and loud, and generally similar to his other returns to base. He had slammed open the door of the conference room, shouting something about extremely difficult missions and what an extremely awesome time he had!!! Tsuna had been discussing a current situation in Italy with the other Guardians; Hibari was fairly certain that Chrome and himself were the only ones actually paying attention. Yamamoto and Gokudera were-- well they seemed to be engaged in some silent conversation about God knows what, and Hibari certainly didn't want to know. Lambo was focused on nothing in particular, as the kid usually was, and Hibari didn't want to waste time on him. Chrome, at least, was paying close attention to Tsuna. No one was ever professional enough.

So when Sasagawa returned, it just gave the guardians yet another reason to be distracted. Yamamoto had grinned at him, standing up to give him a handshake and congratulate him on returning in one piece; Tsuna had followed close behind, telling him to submit a report before getting too settled. Hibari and Gokudera both stayed seated, but Gokudera nodded at Ryohei in acknowledgment. Hibari did nothing; he could feel Sasagawa's eyes on the back of his head, but he refused to turn around.

The welcome back party (full of drinking and laughing and things Hibari refused to participate in) was large and unnecessary. Tsuna was whispering things in Kyoko's ear, as he usually did when he was a bit tipsy, and she was looking completely ecstatic-- Hibari twitched, knowing intuitively what they were talking about. Gokudera was being forced to entertain Lambo and I-Pin, as usual (why kids liked him, Hibari would never understand), and Yamamoto was laughing, also as usual. Ryohei himself was engaged in a heated conversation with Chrome, who looked kind of annoyed, and Hibari was almost positive she kept glancing in his direction. Various other subordinates (and, of course, Reborn and Colonello) were doing various things that Hibari didn't care about. He wondered if anyone would notice if he left.

Knowing he'd probably be able to slip away, he did; right through the doors, quickly, and out into the courtyard between the main house and the base. His own dojo and home were behind the base, and attached by a few entrances, allowing for easy movement between the two. He rolled his shoulders, hearing a few pops, and turned to walk in the direction of his home.

"You're really not gonna talk to me then?" It was Ryohei-- Hibari didn't waste any time registering who it was. His voice was tight, constricted, as if he was afraid that saying one thing would send Hibari running. It was a very good guess.

Turning, Hibari raised an eyebrow, unimpressed. "Yes," he said shortly, never one to mince words. He turned away from Ryohei, back towards the base. Hibari couldn't see see Ryohei face falter for a moment, before he composed himself again.

"Take a walk with me?"

It was insane; juvenile, but he shouldn't have expected any less out of Sasagawa. He turned his head to look at him, and the look of masked hope on Ryohei's face made Hibari want to sigh and accept the offer.

"Sasagawa. Go back inside. Your party is wait--"

"But I don't _want_ to go back inside." He paused, running a hand down his face in annoyance. "Shit."

Hibari blinked, confused; he furrowed his eyebrows, trying to make sense of the situation. "You have every right to hate me. Go back inside. There is no use talking." He turned back around to go, but Ryohei was already behind him, arms wrapped around his shoulders.

"Don't. Stay." He didn't say anything else, but Hibari could almost hear the unspoken words that filled the air. ' _Say what you couldn't before. Did our separation mean nothing? I missed you. Did you miss me?_ ' Hibari felt his expression softening, and he was glad he wasn't facing Ryohei.

"Fine," he said, not moving away from Ryohei, but not moving closer either. "A walk."

Ryohei's hold stiffened, before relaxing again, pulling him closer. "Walk with me to a certain spot then," he said, close to Hibari's ear, before pulling away and walking off. Hibari followed, wary, but his expression still hadn't hardened as it should have.

In all honesty, Hibari could say that he didn't understand Ryohei most of the time. It was one of the reasons he kept coming back, all six years of their semi-relationship. He was so simple but Hibari wondered if Ryohei would always be a mystery. He followed after the boxer, a few steps behind, staring at his back as if it would answer all his questions. Which, of course, it wouldn't. Hibari wasn't stupid; just annoyed. He didn't understand why Ryohei wanted anything to do with him; he didn't understand why it made him happy; he didn't understand why they were suddenly standing underneath the same tree, in front of the same bench, as they were months ago (four months, three days, and 21 hours to be exact).

"Why are we here," he said rather than asked, and Ryohei flopped down onto the bench, patting the spot next to him as an answer. Hibari hesitated, then sat down, still wary. He didn't like where this was going.

"I was thinking a lot while away. I know you always say that I'm no good at thinking, and you're probably right, you know," Ryohei started, laughing at himself a little. "I have an extremely hard time when it comes to thinking about things that are difficult, and it takes me an extremely long time to come to conclusions." He paused, glancing over at Hibari briefly before looking down at his own hands that rested in his lap. "And I've been thinking that-- maybe I was too harsh. I mean, I missed you a lot. I still love you, Kyouya, and I get that it's hard for you to say and I understand. It took me a while to get but I know that y--"

Hibari cut him off, kissing him softly. Ryohei's dumbfounded expression accurately represent Hibari's own thought process. "I was just starting to think I was over you, you herbivorous bastard," he muttered, moving away from Ryohei just a little. "And then you have to ramble about stupid things you don't understand."

Ryohei blinked multiple times, mouth moving as he floundered for something to say with little success. Hibari smirked; he liked getting that reaction.

"I'm only going to say this once. For now," he said, smirk fading as he leaned closer again, resting his cheek against Ryohei's, a hand grasping at his neck as he whispered.

The night sky was dark and starless. Lights from the city obscured the small dots of illumination, but the moon was bright and almost full. The leaves in the tree rustled as the cool night breeze blew past; everything below its branches was dark, obscured from the moonlight by brown and green. On the bench, one man pulled the other closer, wrapping arms around him, burying his face against his shoulder.

_I love you too, you giant waste of brain power-- but don't push your luck._


End file.
